Lightning Crashes
by Edward's Muse
Summary: Literati, eventually. :D This is a more realistic than canon (and round-about) version of how Rory's "Jess or Dean?" situation turned out. Angsty in parts.
1. Presents the Circle

Hello wandering fanfic reader. : )  
  
This is my first story that I intended for real critique and analysis. I took a stab in the dark at how to do it and I discover that I have written a reasonably clichéd albeit truthful story. I think my characterisation is accurate but in the end, it all comes down to love. Right now, that's all I'm thinking about and I apologise in advance for the angsty and reasonably typical nature of this story.  
  
It was my intent to develop my dialogue and descriptions and I believe I've done that. Therefore, my errors in plot and emotional realism are made up for with unconventional descriptions (OK, description singular, only in chapter eight) and dialogue that reflects how the characters were originally written. As I say, it's a first attempt and should be treated as such. Please please please tell me what doesn't work, be as hard on me as you possibly can. Otherwise I'll keep writing stuff like this, something I want to avoid if possible.  
  
---  
  
She screwed up her lists and threw them in the bin. What struck her about this whole situation was that despite it being her fault, she still got to choose how it ended. After the pain she'd put both of them through after so much time, she still had the luxury of choice. What she really felt was disgust. Disgust with herself that she was here in the first place but more that she was "choosing" between people. Good people. And she really did love them both, or at least she had at one point. She swung her legs off her bed and went to pour herself some juice. The problem was that she was so confused. How was it possible for her to care so much for both of them, but then make pro and con lists? You can't just make lists for people, especially when these kinds of emotions are involved. All her logic and reason was getting her nowhere and she sighed inwardly at the hopelessness of the whole thing.  
  
Dean had broken up with her. With all the restraint he could muster he had broken up with her. In front of Jess, no less. So really, she wasn't choosing between them. She stared at her glass and cursed herself yet again for being so transparent about Jess. God, did she have no tact? Why couldn't she see what she was doing to Dean? There were those that would say that she was blinded by infatuation, with love or obsession but she knew plainly that she had just been stupidly insensitive.  
  
Still staring into her juice she felt oddly unemotional. From where she stood all she could see was the endless love, patience and faithfulness that Dean had provided without question. She had a thudding feeling in the pit of her stomach that there was nothing she could do to make Dean happy again and she'd begun to feel like the times she'd hurt him were too many to count. She owed him so much. There was only one thing that could prove how much he had meant to her and suddenly it felt like the only thing she was ever meant to do again.  
  
She could finally see what it was she had to do, but she dreaded the thought of actually doing it. While she loved him, his obvious intelligence and insight, and his love of music and books akin to her own, she couldn't bring herself to hurt Dean any more. She stood up slowly, her mind still lingering on what might have been, and turned to the door. Leaving her juice on the bench she left the house. 


	2. The Angel Closes Her Eyes

A/N Thank you guys for your reviews; it's lovely to know people are reading this. This was rather spur of the moment stuff so I hope it works. Thank you again. :D

Disclaimer: *tries to imagine owning these characters* Nope, not working. You see, I could hardly think up characters like these but I do enjoy using them in my not-for-profit stories. 

Rory was tired of being alone. Lorelai had told her emphatically that what she did was her decision and had gone to work at the inn. While she was glad her mother was being so agreeable about the whole thing, she still kind of wished that she had given her some guidance, or at least been there so that she could talk. She stared at the ground as she passed Doose's. With all that had happened, she couldn't even remember what day it was, let alone if Dean was working, but she was uncomfortable around anything that meant Dean, and right now, she had to force herself to keep her mind on Jess.

She dawdled as long as she could outside Luke's before taking a deep breath and walking inside. This would not be easy.

"Hey Luke."

"Rory, hi. Jess is upstairs if you wanna see him."

"Thanks, I've just got to talk to him for a bit. I'll get some coffee on the way down."

"Sure thing."

She walked slowly up the stairs and the small amount of dread in her stomach intensified with each step. She hadn't thought about what she would say to him, only that she had to tell him everything, before he got the wrong idea. She sighed again and pushed open Luke's door.

"Jess?" He was on the couch, reading.

"Rory?"

"Jess."

"Rory." She rubbed her arm awkwardly. 

"What're you reading there?" He sat up and handed her the book.

"Bulgakov, nice. Is it any good the second time around?" He was suddenly very close to her and she took a step back.

"Definitely better than the first. Much more depth and meaning…" his words trailed off. "Is there something wrong?"

"Uh, yeah, actually there is." She looked sadly at the book. "Could we sit down?"

"Sure. What's this about?"

"Well, Jess," she began shakily, biting her lip, "you might have noticed that Dean and I broke up."

"That made a blip on the radar screen, yes."

"So you probably noticed that we broke up over you." Jess' face broke into a wry smile.

"That didn't get past me either." He looked at her sideways. She was still rubbing her arm and she had the kind of tragic look on her face that made her eyes seem even bigger and more beautiful. He leaned in to look at her more closely and she stood up abruptly. "What's wrong, Rory?"

"Jess, I can't do this. Not after two years with Dean, and all the awful things I did to him and how tactless I was about you, and, oh God, how I lied to him, over and over."

"What do you mean you can't do this? I thought this was what you wanted."

"It is. I mean, it was. I don't know!"

"Look, Dean made it pretty clear that he wasn't with you anymore, and he pretty much paved the road to us…I can't see a problem."

"Jess, you have to understand. I loved Dean. So much. And I don't mean in the stupid way that most people think teenagers love each other. I truly loved him more than anything. And the other night I saw agony in his eyes, agony that was entirely my doing, and it ripped me apart."

"Dean's a big boy, I'm sure he can handle it."

"Jess, you're not getting it. I couldn't live with myself knowing that despite how much I had hurt him, and how much all his pain was my fault, I was the one that got to be happy. With you." Jess groaned and stood up. 

"So there's no discussion, this is it? We've come this far and by your decree, I'm going to be lonely all over again?"

"Well…I guess so."

"Geez. You think you know a person." He grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room. As the door slammed, Rory's tears slid down her face. She took her cell phone and began to dial.

Thank you again for your reviews, they are much appreciated.


	3. Confusion Sets In

Disclaimer: Please. I use them only for my own gratification and while I love them, I in no way claim them as my own.

Hi everyone, thank you SO much for your reviews; they're all very encouraging so thank you. I wasn't entirely sure how to go about this (this = writing fanfic) properly so it's good to know you like. Hee, actually, I originally never intended this to be loner than the first chapter. I took a little more time over this chapter.

Daisydeertree: Hee, no I didn't mean that you'd told me I sucked! No I meant that I sucked because I was replying to your first chapter when I had lots more to read. :D And I see about the Lorelai/Lorelei thing. Sorry to be picky like that.

Oh and yes, another thing. Being from New Zealand I do say Mum and not Mom but as they say, when in Rome…

"Mom?" Rory sniffed.

"Rory? God what happened?"

"Nothing, I'm OK."

"Well, OK, but you're crying, that's not usual."

"Mom I just talked to Jess," she wiped her nose and sniffed again, "and he was less than receptive. And I can't decide if I did the right thing and I need you. I need you here, now." She forgot to leave out the pleading tone. 

"Well, alright. Where are you?"

"Luke's. Luke's apartment. I'll go home."

"No, no you stay there and have some coffee and I'll come and get you."

"Thank you, Mommy."

"Anytime kiddo, now you sure you'll be OK till I get there?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Bye then." Rory closed her phone and took a deep breath. She wiped her eyes again and stood up. She wanted to wash her face but felt awkward doing so where Jess and Luke did. Then again, she couldn't go downstairs looking like this so she went to the bathroom and turned on the tap. Her throat was dry as she splashed water onto her face. Why had she done this again? She couldn't help but see the irony in what she'd done. Yes she'd prevented Dean from getting hurt all over again but the tiny smidgen of relief she felt about that was eradicated by how she'd now treated Jess. And what about Jess anyway? She'd had no idea he'd react like that. Of course he would have been upset, but to just rush out in a fit of anger like he had…she sighed as she dried her face.

'Gilmore, stop sighing. Life doesn't revolve around you and from what you've just seen, love doesn't seem to either. They'll get better with time, you know that. Come on, you have to at least _try_ to see that you made the right decision.' Her face was numb as she tried to think about it rationally. Failing miserably she looked herself straight in the mirror and began to talk aloud. 

"God. Jess, Dean, whoever! I don't care anymore! I'm done with trying to keep people happy. I messed up, I know that, I punish myself for it every day, but I can't go on like this, with the both of them weighing me down. I'm all mopey, I can't concentrate, I don't look people in the eye. But…ugh! I'm so confused!" She rubbed her eyes with one hand and leant on the sink with the other. She needed Lorelai. Taking one last look in the mirror she went to the couch to get her jacket. She was startled by Jess throwing the door open and turned to face him, suddenly apprehensive.

--

A/N I seem to have gathered s few Jess-haters to myself when that really was not the intention. I'm not one to favour who she picks really (or any pairing for anything) but I like to see relationships working realistically, that's why she hasn't chosen to be with Jess. If I do like a pairing it'll be because of how realistic the pairing is. Proof of all that is that I *love* Jess/Milo. Really I do. I think he's an awesome character and I shall write Jess POV stories soon, I promise. I do not, however, think that Rory would have gone to him under the circumstances. I cherish all comments though so if you want to read this as anti-Jess, feel free. :)


	4. Her Intentions Fall to the Floor

"Jess…?"

"Rory, hear me out, alright." He threw his jacket on the chair and faced away from her, running his hands through his hair.

"I, uh, I hear you Jess." Rory gave an uncertain laugh.

"No, that, no. Look Rory, I…" His agitation was beginning to affect her. 

"What is it?" 

"I, look, God this is hard. Rory, I couldn't take it if this didn't happen. I…" He kept running his hands through his hair and pacing beside the coffee table. Rory suddenly shook herself.

"What, Jess? Come on, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" he exclaimed pointedly. "You just, just, threw away the only thing I've ever wanted. Like it was nothing to you. Like I'm nothing."

"Jess, you know that's not true," she pleaded, desperate for him to calm down. "Dean, he…"

"Oh no, not Dean. This isn't about Dean. It never was about Dean. This is about you and me and how you think that this is all some little thing that you can forget about if you try. Well guess what? I know that even if I try, even if you walk out that door and I never see you again…" He paused and threw her a sideways glance. "You can't even see what you do to me."

"What I do to you? Jess--" He hesitated, watching her. He finally stopped pacing and looked at her properly.

"Rory, I fucking love you. Love. That's what you do to me. And I've stood around for so long waiting for you to see me here and today, today I thought you had seen me. I thought that finally my dreams had come true, finally you would be the Lyra to my Will." He threw his hands up in the air with the customary air of sarcasm.

"Jess, don't do this."

"Don't do this? Don't _do_ this? Rory, I'm finally being honest. For once in my life, I'm actually telling the truth about something."

"Well, OK, but…"

"But what?"

"But I'm a little shocked here, that's all." He took a deep breath and sat down in the chair next to the table.

"Yeah." He sighed slowly and put his face in his hands, rocking slightly. Suddenly the will to fight had left him and he felt drained. When she spoke, he turned his head away from her, not wanting to see her face as she reacted.

"Jess, I had no idea. Really. I thought…well, I guess I didn't really think. About that. I mean obviously I'd thought about you and…God I'm so selfish. And I am so, so sorry about this. All of this. I, I…"

"You don't have to say it, you know. Don't make it worse than it already is. I'll be fine."

"Thank you," she mumbled.

"Geez."

"No, really, thank you." She stood up and went to kneel beside him. She placed a hand on his arm. "Thank you for telling me and thank you for meaning it." He turned his head to watch her and spent a lingering moment on her face. She smiled weakly at him.

"I take it this outbreak won't change your decision?" She rolled her eyes.

"My decision. Wow. I have no idea. I'm still confused and I have to think about it but I…" She sought better phrasing. "I don't know what else to say." Hey found themselves looking at each other. 

"I can't stay here, y'know." His eyes bore into hers.

"I know." Still he gazed at her. Seconds passed before he spoke again.

"Can I--?" he asked faintly and she nodded a slow reply. He leant in and kissed her softly as they both closed their eyes. She pressed closer into him and he put his hands to her chin. After a few seconds she pulled away gently and stood up. 

"Jess, I don't know what's going to happen. This is all too much for me."

"You?" 

"I'm sorry." 

"Not the only one." The door gave a muffled click as it shut behind her. 

--

Man, I'm unsure of my characterisation of Jess here. I know he's not one to express his undying love normally but I thought that this would bring out something similar to emotions. And now I have no idea if I did it satisfactorily. The ending's probably wrong in terms of how docile he becomes…can someone help me?

Usual disclaimers apply, but to those I add that I do not own Live or any of their music. J Any comments are, as always, much appreciated.


	5. Puts the Glory out to Hide

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A/N Thank you very much for your reviews, as always. I've tried to make the contemplative stuff a bit less dense this time, seeing as it's not always the most interesting part to read. Thank you for your suggestions – they're the most useful thing for me. 

Rory was leaning on the back of Luke's door, suppressing her urge to cry. What had happened was not bad; she'd finally discovered how Jess really felt. Not for the first time that day a surreal feeling of non-emotion settled on her. So many things had happened to her that her mind couldn't think what to react to. She felt numb. 

She hadn't felt numb only minutes before. When Jess had kissed her she had felt the safest she had ever felt. She'd revelled in his gentility and in the peace he held in his face. Now though, she was much further away from him and the feelings of calm and repose were gone. She walked cautiously down the stairs and emerged at the bottom. She settled in at the counter to wait for her mother.

"Rory?"

"What?" 

"Rory. Do you want that coffee now?"

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks Luke." She gave him a feeble smile. He glanced at her warily. 

"What did he do?"

"Who?"

"Jess! What did he do. You went up, you were fine. You're down again and you're, weird."

"Oh, well…"

"I swear if he did something to you…"

"Luke, no. He's fine. He's more than fine. I just need some coffee that's all."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, no, absolutely. I'll be over by the window, my mom's coming by to pick me up soon." He was uncertain whether to pursue his line of questioning so he shrugged and gestured toward a table. "Thanks Luke."

"Anytime."

---

Jess hadn't moved. He couldn't figure out what had just happened. He'd let loose on Rory and made it all her fault, which he knew it wasn't. In his anger and confusion he'd accused her of not caring about him, of dusting him off like he was nothing and while that was how he felt, he knew she didn't intend it that way. To top it all off he'd admitted to loving her. He shook his head involuntarily and sighed. 

When did he get so feminine? Why would he make himself so vulnerable…and now he cared about her feelings? He thought about the first time he'd talked to her. She hadn't changed him - it was the opposite. She was the one person who saw him for who he was and didn't smite him for it. She was unlike anyone else in that he cared what she thought and how she was feeling. He was suddenly brimming with guilt.

He knew not to hope that she would turn to him. Despite the sheltered calm they had both submitted to when he kissed her, he didn't doubt that she'd kissed him out of pity, and the thought made him shiver and stand up. 

'I guess I'm packing my bags then,' he thought, looking around the apartment. 'No use staying where I'm not wanted.'

---

"Rory, honey, my God, are you OK?" Lorelai bustled in and enveloped Rory in a hug.

"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine. I'm good now actually, I've got coffee in me." Lorelai held her daughter by the shoulders, looking at her face, and smiled sadly at her.

"Good, that's good. But what happened? Why am I here? How come you're not crying anymore?"

"I'd rather not talk about it here." Here eyes darted unconsciously to the stairs and as Lorelai followed them she knew better than to argue.

"Come on then, let's get you home. Did you pay for your coffee?" Rory shook her head absently. "OK, well I'll just go and do that, k?"

"Luke," Lorelai whispered.

"Is Rory OK? She looked a bit ruffled when she came down."

"I was gonna ask you the same thing."

"Sorry, I know nothing."

"Oh, well thanks, and here you go. Thanks for looking after her." Luke took the change.

"No problem. Consoling herself with caffeine probably isn't the way to go though." Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"Like you'd know." She took Rory by the arm and guided her out of the diner.


	6. The Angel Opens Her Eyes

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A/N I got inspiration for these last three chapters all at once so I've written them all. I'm going to respond to demand though so if you want to read on, please comment. Oh, and Sarah, thanks for the advice, and normally I'm quite the advocate for doing that but I didn't even realise I was writing 'mom' until the third chapter. I tend to write while I'm thinking in an American accent so that's how it came about. 

---

Rory was quiet in the car back home. She stared sadly out the window and Lorelai was quiet beside her. When they reached their house, Lorelai parked the car and took Rory inside. She sat her down at the kitchen table and took her hand.

"Rory, honey? I'm gonna need you to talk now. I got a distress call from you that sounded like you needed to talk and now that I'm here I'd like to do that. So, I'm gonna make us some more coffee and then we are going to talk." Rory made no response. "Good. I like that we're on the same page here." After a while she set a cup of coffee in front of Rory and sat down facing her. "Now. What happened?"

"Mom, I'm sorry but I…"

"Here's what I think happened. You went to Jess to tell him that you didn't want to be with him and he yelled at you and said some horrible stuff and you got upset and you called me."

"No. That's not what happened."

"Then fill me in here 'cause I'm dying to find out." Rory sighed and leant her head on her hand, stirring her coffee with the other.

"OK. But let me finish."

"OK."

"Yes, I went to talk to Jess but I went to tell him that I couldn't be with him, not that I didn't want to. I told him all the stuff about how I can't hurt Dean anymore and how he deserves to be able to get over us without me rubbing my happiness with Jess in his face."

"OK and…"

"And he stormed out of the room really angry and I didn't know why. I mean, I knew he'd be sad, even upset, but he left like he was really hurt. And that's when I called you."

"And that's when you called me." Rory took a sip of her coffee. "That's all? Somehow I think there's more to this. Come on, hon, you can tell me this stuff." Lorelai smiled at Rory who gave her a weak smile in return.

"Jess came back in after a few minutes and he was really agitated. I couldn't tell what was wrong but he seemed like he wanted to tell me something so I asked him what was wrong. He got _really_ angry with me, accusing me of brushing him off…"

"Oh, Rory…"

"And then, and then he told me," Rory was making a vain attempt to blink back her tears, "he told me that he loved me." The tears escaped and rolled down her face.

"Jess?"

"Yes."

"And that was a shock."

"A definite shock. You know Jess, not like I know Jess but you know what he's like about that kind of thing. And he came out and said it and I was so stunned that I didn't respond properly. I just started going on about myself and how selfish I was. And then he just sat there looking the most tragic and hurt that I've ever seen anyone look and I didn't know what to do. So I went and knelt next to him and…"

"And…"

"He'd calmed down by then and the look in his eyes was too much for me so when he indicated that he wanted to kiss me…"

"Indicated?"

"I nodded and he leant in and he kissed me." She let out a sob and put her head in her arms. Lorelai reached over and stroked her head.

"Oh, and then you felt bad that you went back on what you said?" Rory looked up at her mother.

"No."

"No? Then what?" Lorelai wasn't sure where this was going.

"Then I felt beautiful. Loved. Safe. Like I've never felt before. God that sounds corny." She laughed uneasily and sniffed.

"What about Dean?"

"It was different with Dean. It was still great and I loved him with all my heart but this…I felt taken over. Safe," she repeated sadly.

"Oh babe." Lorelai sat comforting Rory for a space before asking, "so why are you crying now?"

"Because I think I love him too." At Lorelai's look she elaborated. "And I know what the right thing is to do."

"What's the right thing to do?"

"To stay away from Jess, to be true to Dean, to not hurt Dean anymore." She sighed again. Lorelai took a deep breath.

"As much as it pains me to say this, I think we're seeing very different sides of people today. You included. Rory, there can be more than one right thing to do."

"What?" She looked up.

"I mean that maybe…" she paused.

"No really what?"

"Maybe it took today for you to figure out how much Jess actually means to you. And how much you mean to him. Maybe…now that you know that, it's much more right to be together than to not. I heard somewhere that love was a powerful thing," she smiled at Rory, "and if you really do love him…" she trailed off. Rory was looking at her with an air of surprise and hope.

"Mom, please finish your sentences." Lorelai took Rory's hand again.

"If you really do love him then denying it isn't going to get you anywhere." 


	7. Thunder Chasing the Wind

"If there's one thing I do not need, it's pity. That's what I'll get if I stay here. Ergo, I'm leaving."

"Ergo?" Luke smirked. "Jess you're not leaving."

"Oh yes I am. Next train in fact."

"No, you're not. Siddown." He pushed Jess onto the chair. "You're not running away again."

"I'm not running away."

"Look at you, you're like the petulant kid!"

"Ah geez."

"OK, so Rory isn't going to be with you right now."

"I don't wanna talk about it. I thought we went over that."

"That's not to say she won't be soon." Jess groaned. 

"Yes it is. She made it pretty clear how she felt."

"Actually, it sounds to me like she didn't." Jess rolled his eyes. "Look. She has just broken up with Dean, a guy she really loved."

"So I've been told."

"Listen to me. You don't think she has a right to get over that? To let him get over that?" Jess was silent, staring intently at the floor.

"She's not being with me because of him," he muttered.

"I know. I'm not saying that that's not hard. What I'm saying is that if you keep pushing, you might not get her at all." Jess suddenly stood up face to face with his uncle.

"Luke, I'm _not_ getting her at all. Like I said, she made it pretty clear how she felt. She cares more about him than me. She pities me. Poor, unloved Jess. I can't…handle that." 

"Why can't you give her some time. I know Rory, she's most likely completely confused."

"Huh."

"What?"

"I put my heart completely on the line for this girl and she doesn't even acknowledge it. That's not confusion, that's nothing. I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to find me. I've been here, I've waited for a bit but I can't do it anymore."

"Jess, come on…"

"No. I'm leaving. That's it." He turned towards the door.

"Fine, you can run, but you'd better be running for the right reasons. You are not going to run from rejection and you are most certainly not going to run from pity."

"I'm not running." 

"Then what the hell are you doing?" Jess stared downwards.

"Fuck." He sat down again, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Right," Luke grinned.

"I don't know. How did this get so messed up? I thought telling her I was leaving would get to her…and then I went and told her I loved her," he gestured wildly with his hand. Luke looked up, startled.

"You what?" Jess threw him an incredulous look. Luke hesitated. "Wow, I didn't uh…realise you were that serious."

"Huh, you think I'd care this much if…" He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. "God, it doesn't matter. She's gone."

"Jess. She's not. If you really did love her and I'm not actually so sure you really do, you would see this her way around. Don't look at me like that. She came here to tell you some horrible news and ended up getting bombarded with what I'm sure was a most unexpected response. So, she's confused about where she stands. She hadn't thought that you cared that much, God knows you never show it. So she's confused, and she leaves without saying anything. I can tell you, when she got downstairs she was a mess. A dazed and quiet mess, but a mess. She wouldn't stop staring out the window 'till her mother got here. If it were me I wouldn't be giving up just yet and I sure as hell wouldn't be running away from her. She'll think you regret what you told her." Luke watched Jess carefully, wondering what kind of retort he had elicited. He got nothing. Jess persisted in staring at the floor in silence. Luke began to speak again but stopped when Jess stood up, grabbed his jacket and walked to the door.

"Where're you going?"

"Nowhere."

"Jess…"

"Out, I'm going out." He pulled the door shut behind him angrily.

"Jess, come on, it's dark out there," Luke called to the closed door.

---

Jess had stayed at the bridge for almost half an hour, just thinking and cutting the water with stones. Even as he sat there he wondered what he was doing. How did he let himself get so caught up in a girl? He answered himself spitefully, 'She's not just a girl. You know that. Give her credit.' He'd even started thinking about what Luke had said and now that he'd cooled off he could see that it was not Rory's fault. She was smart but she wouldn't have been able to read him; he was too well hidden. In New York he had had to be – you didn't survive without it – but now he wished he hadn't shut her out as much as he had. God, now what was he saying, that Luke was right? 'How the tides turn,' he smiled to himself. 

He sighed inwardly. He had no idea what to do now. Rory knew how he felt and he resigned himself to the fact that if anything _were_ to happen, the ball was in her court. He then discovered a glimmer of hope he had not seen before. She had given into a kiss with him and even if it was just out of pity he liked to think that she'd enjoyed it.

The impending storm suddenly let loose a torrent of rain and Jess reluctantly stood up and wrapped his jacket around him. He walked slowly back to the main road and sat in the bus shelter, unwilling to go back to the apartment just yet.

--- 

A/N Thank you very much for all your reviews, they're very encouraging. Here's the second-to-last chapter, I hope you enjoy it and if you do, drop me a line. More importantly if you don't, drop me a flame. I like flames. If it's a flame though, please don't tell me you hate Jess or you think he's in some way a form of life devoid of human sentiment. Flame my writing not him - I didn't create him. :)

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Smile1 thank you especially for your comments, I appreciate them muchly. :D


	8. Lightning Crashes

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Lightning Crashes

Rory hugged her mother tightly before grabbing her coat and dashing out into the rain. She was soaked within minutes but she ran straight to the diner, crashing through the door in her haste.

"Luke! Jess. Is Jess upstairs?"

"Uh, no, he went out a half-hour ago."

"Out? Where?"

"Out seemed sufficient explanation."

"Oh, well thanks anyway." She began to leave.

"Rory!"

"Yeah?"

"Don't be too hard on him, OK?" She nodded, smiling.

"I won't. Bye Luke."

"Bye Rory."

Rory splashed her way through puddles as she ran to the bridge, but she couldn't see him. She ran back to the road, looking around her, her hair flicking everywhere. Finally she saw him, hunched over in the bus-stop, staring at the ground. She paused before calling out his name, suddenly fearful that he had changed his mind. As she paused, he looked up from where he sat and saw her standing there, dripping from the rain. He stood up slowly, unsure what she was doing.

"Jess." Water poured down her face. As his face came into view from the street-lamp she could see his hair was tousled and dripping and that his clothes were drenched. 

"Rory, I told you you don't have to say it. You don't have to be here. I _really_ don't want the pity."

"Shut up and listen, OK? I thought that there was only one thing to do. I had to protect Dean from getting hurt. And yeah, in a way, that's the right thing to do."

"Rory, I've heard this…" he wasn't sure why he was being so hard on her.

"I said shut up. What my mother helped me to see is that often there's more than one option." He was unsure what to do since he was sure where this was going. He began to walk away from her. "Jess, you kissed me this afternoon and at the time I was exhilarated and I felt this overwhelming sense of calm and peace and…safety. God I sound like an idiot. This wasn't how I pictured this." He turned around and took her in. She fiddled with her sleeve. 

"At the time? Rory, I'm not really ready for this conversation all over again." She panicked. He'd already turned around and was walking back down the road again. 

"Jess! I love you too!" He scoffed, still facing away from her.

"Rory, don't do this. Don't feel that you have to appease me, or make me calm down and don't tell me that when you don't mean it." She grabbed his arm, slippery from the rain and brought him round to face her. He didn't look at her.

"I love you," she repeated, quiet but insistent. He squinted at her.

"You what?"

"I love you! And it took all this to make me see it." A tiny smile crept across his lips.

"You can't…God, why?" They both began to laugh. Rory stopped and pulled his head down to her level.

"Why? Because you're…" she said softly. The rain poured down as their lips bumped together, brushing each other like moths. She held her arms around his back as they bobbed together, each lightly taking their time in feeling the other. He settled his hands on the back of her hair and made a gentle pull towards himself. In turn she grasped him closer and opened her mouth ever so slightly, kissing him properly for the first time. He shifted his head to the right and returned it. 

As they pulled apart, both of them were grinning madly and gazing at each other with a kind of dazed ardour. Their hands remained where they had been and they looked at each other so closely, each studying the face of the other and imagining nothing as beautiful. Moving one of his arms down to under her shoulders her he brought her closer to him. He then guided one of her arms around to the front of him and slipped a finger through each one of hers. They shifted their eyes to their hands, clasped together, drenched with water. Leaning closer into him she looked up and touched the hair now plastered to his forehead by the rain, tucking it to the side. He put his arms around her neck and gathered into the firmest hug he could and kissed her again, this time with a hitherto withheld warmth and affection. She reacted by running her hands through his hair and dancing her tongue across his lips. Both were smiling inwardly, caught up in the other's desire and admiration. 

It was the kind of moment that suspended them both from time or place. The light from the street-lamp glistened through the rain as they found each other. After so long and so much confusion, they finally held each other in the rain and watched each other closely, oblivious to anyone but each other. Neither spoke; the moment needed no explanation. There's no lightning like love.

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A/N And there it is, all finished. Please comment on this ending. Like I said, it's a very mushy/angsty/happy ending that I'm generally loath to write unless it actually fits, which I think it generally does. I feel like Rory was fiercely out of character though and I'll probably tidy that up when I have a bit more time (I have exams at the moment). What I was focusing on in this chapter was my description of the kiss and the closeness between them. Did I do that part OK? I would love you for a really long time if you commented on this story for me, really I would. *snuggles all her reviewers*


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